Everyone will have a sad period or anything that makes you sad. It's a good way to express your feeling by crying and shout out loud. I don't know why I felt so sad, emo and having lots of complicated feelings yesterday. But I'm so glad that my friends listened to me , comforting me, giving me advises and telling me what should I move next.
I don't know why but it's just so complicated. Everything is complicated. The relationship between us is complicated. Somehow I just need an answer, whether friends or strangers. I remembered a tweet "We are not friends. We are not enemies. We are just strangers with some memories " I really hope that everything will have an ending, no matters it's sweet or bitter, it shouldn't just hang in the middle.
Somehow I hate myself. I hate myself for being so cowardly, why can't I just tell you face-to-face about my own feelings. It hurts a lot when I knew you misunderstands me and think that I'm the one who gives up first. I hate it when we need to hide from each other when we accidentally met.I hate it when the situation is so awkward when we both stayed in a same room. I hate it when the awkward eyes contact we had.
For another matter, how I hope I'm good in solving this kind of relationship problems. I feel so guilty whenever I see you. Many people asked me why don't I accept you, it's not like I want or not , it's like it is hurting you or not if I just accepting you but I doesn't like you, I felt so touch whenever I know what you did for me, what you helped me secretly, told me that no matter what happens , you will still standing here supporting me. I feel so guilty and I told him that I like another person but you just said it's okay and you doesn't mind.
I always wonder, how will it be if time rewinds? Will we still remain as who we are today? I asked myself whether should I change or being myself because you are like waiting someone to chase you. I'm sorry I don't have the guts. How I hope everything was just a dream, when I wake up, everything will back to the first day we met and... I will hold up the opportunities to tell you what I really feel.
I'm sorry but ... I don't like to text you first because I afraid I'm annoying you. I think you have the same feelings too and that's why our misunderstanding is getting deeper and deeper. I think every girl hates to start a conversation first because we hate to seen needy or clingy. For me, being needy and obsessive just pushes guys away, and no girl wants that.
Haters gonna hate. Everyone has a hater. They always will find a excuses to hate you, spreading rumors to make others hate you too. Some people may say that I always hang out with boys and shows that I'm flirting with them. Everyone has their own definitions of flirts, for me, flirting is like you having a boyfriend but you still have uncountable boyfriend(s) which your boyfriend doesn't know the presence of them or one maybe.
Girls society is very complicated. You may hear rumors from everywhere when you belongs at girls society. I don't know why or maybe for me, you can't differentiate who is my friends and who is my enemies as they always being so good in front of you. Every girl deserves a best actress award honestly.Of course I have some real friend who understands me and I understand them too. We used to fight, to argue whenever we have opinion. We do not think twice before we speak because we are just being ourselves when we are together, and the feeling are great.
Being with boys is way much better than being with girls. Some of you may say why am I always hanging with boys? Maybe I doesn't look like boys, I don't have short hairs, I'm not a tomboy or I'm not a lesbian because I don't love girls. When you hate a person, there are plenty of reasons. Just like being with boys is way more comfortable, I'm still myself whenever I'm with them, I'm not like going to act like a very cute girl or being decent in front of them.
Somehow, I feel so helpless when ... my best friends confess to me. I know it's hard enough to decide because everyone is afraid that after confess, the relationship is going to be awkward. Like mostly happens in our school. I always notice that that friends being awkward with a boy just because the boy confess to him and I always try my best to tell her being friend with him but nothing works. Things happen may not going to change. And the feeling sucks when you think that if the time rewinds, I'm not going to do that again. But no point isn't it?
I always act like they are joking when this kind of things happen and they knew what I mean. After that, we are still best friends. For me , those who have good relationship with me like my brothers and boy friends which I talk a lot will never be my love. Some of you may thought like I friend with them because I want them to love me. Oh please, why should I do that? Maybe you will but I won't. It's all because of one person. I will stay a distance with a person who I like but I don't know why I can't talk to a person who I like like I talk to the others. Maybe.. I am shy lol.
I just don't want my relationship with other boy friends became like the relationship of me and him. We are so awkward right now and you can't understand how sad I am. It's just someone who meant everything about you suddenly disappear in your life. I admit I like him but ... the relationship we are having now is just... shitty. No other words can describe I think so.
或许我们当初年纪真的太小，从那懵懵懂懂走进各自天空. You were so immature . That's the only thing I can say. I mean were, I don't know now. I feel so stupid for trusting you so many times and I'm afraid of getting hurt again and what I hope is one day I can finally tell myself that I've totally give up on you.I don't know your feeling. Why don't you tell me face-to-face instead of asking someone to tell me? I think you know but..
It's been a long post omg. I'm just writing it ti spread out my feeling. When I grow bigger, I will realize how stupid I am just like when I looked back my standard six or form one's post.
